MERIT TABLE
16/02/08
LONDON CORNISH 3s v BATTERSEA IRONSIDES 3s

London Cornish 3s 24 - Battersea Ironsides 3s 10

After a delightful evening on Friday at the Little Bay restaurant, I arrived at the ground on time for once, but somewhat fatigued and a little emotional; I was a tad upset when the 2s decided to steal Crawford and close to tears when I had the fourth person bail on me. But we Cornishmen are made of sterner stuff and I cheered myself up with the thought that it's only ten past one and surely no one else will let the side down. At one thirty, things were looking decidedly dodgy with the front row lost en-route from the Telegraph and the kit in the back of their car, so I did what all men must in times of adversity and turned to Bev for some moral support. Bev pulled out his little black book and made several phone calls for some emergency back-up whilst the Showpony applied his fake tan in front of the mirror. By ten to two we had a full squad and the Showpony, now fully bronzed, led the team, prancing and snorting to the third team pitch. Some ambling around, a bit of touch and then some light stretching left us ready to take on the might of Battersea on a cold crisp afternoon. The team that started bore little resemblance to that picked with a number of backs letting us down. We contemplated a minutes silence pre match for Ben Hufton, who I am sure is in all our thoughts after coming down with a particularly nasty case of the snivels. Thanks to everyone who filled in at new positions and made the journey down to Roehampton after a late call up.

The game itself is somewhat of a blur (I was having difficulty seeing through tearstained eyes after hearing of Kieron's 5 week absence), but I am pretty sure we scored just one try in the first half. It came through a sparkling break from Jon Richardson, who made it easy for Bev to add the extras by dotting down right under the posts and we turned round 7-0 up, but not without a few casualties. Bev made his customary attempt to win the Tw*t of the Match competition by trying to turn the Man of the Match, Tom Pashley, into a crab through some judicial use of surgical tape after he popped his thumb and Andy Wise saw no further action after being dropped on his ankle at a line out. Tom managed to continue like the warrior he is whilst Andy made way for Luke Carrivick, who made a telling contribution.

The beginning of the second half saw Boris, the centre/prop, thundering on and making an immediate impact with some typically barn storming runs. I can tell you that women who say that size doesn't matter are just shallow. James O' Brien and Mickey Bickford-Smith also made way at half time for Jamie Halliday and Henry Williams respectively. Bob pleaded not to be taken off as he is getting married in a fortnight and he rewarded my faith with a smartly taken try in the corner. Shortly after Bev had narrowly failed with the conversion, the front row capped a great group effort with some smart interchanges and a good break by Ed Shield who offloaded to Pashley who in turn was hauled down just short of the line. Jon was on hand to pick up his second try. Whilst I can't quite remember exactly what happened I'm sure it was jolly fine and Bev converted. Battersea then scored two smartly taken tries in fairly quick succession without converting either to take the score to 19 - 10. Pretty tense I'm sure you'll agree. At this point Ali Herring made his play for Tw*t of the Match and vomited on his own leg whilst faffing around at a line-out. It soon became clear that through a knock to the head, or general unfitness, Ali couldn't continue and Boris moved up to prop. I came back on at centre and nearly made a thorough balls up of a clear-cut try scoring opportunity. Fortunately, having caught a glimpse of his flashing white hooves, I managed to offload to the Showpony who put Bob through for his second try of the game. The forwards then tightened it up to take us safely to the finish with a well deserved 24 - 10 win.

Special mentions should go to Iain Short and Dom Curran who made cracking 3's debuts out wide, latching onto the half breaks from the bigger boys and making substantial inroads into the Ironsides defence. Sadly we couldn't capitalise on these breaks as we should have done and as is oft the case the last pass was sadly missing. When it came to post match shenanigans, Ali and Bev were saved by Crawford's missus who had kindly washed his kit from the week before including the ToM vest. For the second week running and despite running out for the 2s Crawford was Tw*t of the Match. Tom Pashley was pushed all the way by a sterling performance from the entire front row, but just edged them with a fantastic Duracell Bunny like performance to win Man of the Match.

Squad - Ali Herring, Ed Shield, Brendan D-Smith; Mike Lunn, James O'Brien; Tom Pashley; Showpony, Andy Wise; Martin Bevan, Jon Richardson; Bob Oakley, Dave Morris (capt), Iain Short; Micky Bickford-Smith; Dom Curran Reps: Jamie Halliday, Luke Carrivick, Henry Williams, Boris Pomroy


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